If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
