I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
