alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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