I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want a musical about memes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
