And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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