So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got inside last night via doggy door
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's how pantless uber rides happen