Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker