she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
