maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
