he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
