WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
