I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
