I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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