I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
