i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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