i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
