You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
