She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
