Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
