Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
