Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
