Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
