Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
