I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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