Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the day after is always just damage control
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
