I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
