kristin has been a bad kristin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
