Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
