First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
