Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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