so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
