It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
