Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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