there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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