I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
