similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
