I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
