Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
