I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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