now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
