True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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