pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize