So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
