i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.