we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.