I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?