Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever