why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.