this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.