Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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