I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am available for nakedness
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
