hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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