I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
