just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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