I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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