How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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