Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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