I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
