i need an iv and a liver transplant
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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