Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
