There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
