I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize