he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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