Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
