Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she peed on how many people?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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