Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
