tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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