Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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