Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
