Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
